What Exactly is the Function of a Rubber Duck?
by Maisie Malfoy
Summary: What is the function of a rubber duck? All Arthur wanted was to know the answer.


**When a fanfic writer is exposed to the phrase, "Tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?" and has been on a Weasley kick anyway, things happen.**

* * *

When Arthur Weasley was three years old, his parents, after taking every precaution they could to decrease the chances of accidental magic, let him have a playdate with the small Muggle boy he sometimes played with on a playground. After the usual, "Don't tell him about Daddy's wand," and "Mummy will be around here. She'll come and get you at dinnertime," which was new, Cedrella left him with the Muggles.

Arthur and his friend, as all small boys do, saw fit to play in the backyard and cover themselves in dirt and mud. The next thing he knew, Arthur was being placed in a bathtub by his friend's mother.

"I don't want to take a bath!" he whined, trying to sneak out of the tub.

She smiled at him knowingly. Unlike Arthur's own mother, she had dealt with this before and knew what to expect. She produced a yellow bath toy and plopped it into the soapy water.

"What's this?" Arthur asked.

"That is a rubber duck, Arthur."

In all her years, the Muggle woman never forgot what Arthur asked her next. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yes."

"What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?"

She was taken aback. First, she had no idea how to really explain a rubber duck. Second, most children his age were more likely to say, "What does it do?" than "What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?" Letting it go, she simply began to scrub the mud from the side of Arthur's cheek.

When Arthur's mother arrived to take him home, he asked his mother what the function of a rubber duck was. When she said, "I'm not sure, Arthur. You might ask your father," Arthur made up his mind. Someday, no matter what, he would find out what the function of a rubber duck was.

* * *

Years passed. Arthur tried and tried to find out the function of a rubber duck. At Hogwarts, he checked out Muggle Studies books, but they were all about electricity or refrigerators. He tried asking fellow students, but other pure-bloods were just as clueless, most half-bloods were familiar with some Muggle things that did not include rubber ducks, and no Muggle-born he asked could really give him more than, "It's a sort of toy that you put in the bathtub."

Once, in sixth year, he was desperate enough to ask a small, blonde first-year girl, "Excuse me, what would you say is the function of a rubber duck?"

The girl's eyes went wide. "I...I don't know." Before Arthur could ask any further questions, she had taken off running back the way she came. When he was called to Professor Dippet's office for "terrorizing first-year students", he went back to books.

* * *

Even after getting married and becoming a father-to-be, Arthur continued to research rubber ducks. Even after looking into it for most of his life, he still had no more to go on than that it was a toy Muggles put in the bathtub.

He asked everyone. He asked people he talked to at his Ministry internship. He asked his mother again, but all she said was, "Are you still going on about that?" He even asked his wife...right after she had given birth to William Arthur.

He was yelled at every now and again, but this was the only time Molly Weasley ever smacked her husband upside the head.

* * *

When Arthur was given his job in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, the first thing that came to his mind was, "After all this time, I'll finally find out what the function of a rubber duck is!"

Unfortunately, the job did not involve rubber ducks. Arthur sorted out talking teapots, cannibalistic coat hangers, and books that ate off the reader's hair in the night, but no rubber ducks came into his office.

When Harry Potter wound up at the Burrow for the holidays, Arthur, upon finding out he lived with Muggles, made sure to ask Harry, "Tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?"

His spirits sank again when Harry was unable to name the function of a rubber duck.

* * *

The Battle of Hogwarts was over. The Weasleys had been forced to bury Fred, and were sitting around the Burrow. Molly had cooked a nice big meal, but other than Ron, no one was very hungry.

Arthur picked at his food too. How was he expected to eat when he had failed to keep Fred safe? How was he expected to eat when one of his children was dead?

He was just pushing his plate to the side when Ginny tapped his shoulder.

"Yes, Ginny?" asked Arthur.

"Dad, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"I heard someone mention one a while ago, and thought you might know about Muggle things. What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?"

Even though he had no answer for her, his eyes lit up. Arthur Weasley had never had a favorite Weasley child, but he decided right then and there that his was Ginny.

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 **Not sure exactly where this went, but reviews are always appreciated.**


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